Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
