Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
