do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
