Cold hands, warm shart.
you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
