Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
