I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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