I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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