Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I party with great urgency now.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
