you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Randomize