idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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