If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
