dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Randomize
