I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
