dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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