He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Such a big mess for such a small penis
You did what with his pubic hair?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
