i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize