a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
