I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Randomize
