I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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