You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
