i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
im holly from the hills drunk
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I think my nap took me to another dimension
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
