Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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