the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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