You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
