the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
