someone threw a dead crab at me
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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