I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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