So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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