He asked me if I "almost moaned"
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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