it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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