when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
