i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
