if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
i think i have two assholes
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
