After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
