I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
