Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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