me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
