Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
