Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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