Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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