you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
