if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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