just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
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