It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
