i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Well I just put wine in my tea
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
