I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
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