I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
