One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
