tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
