The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Randomize
