apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize