i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
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