found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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