and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
My vagina is officially offended.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
