Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
