Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
