Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
