Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
