i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize