You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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