my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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