He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
