Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Everclear isn't food dammit
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
