Define "chronic" masturbator.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
