I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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