Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
