best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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