I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
