his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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