Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
