She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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