dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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