So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
We don't watch enough power rangers
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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