I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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