He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
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