You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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